A McMahon Christmas Party
by Im-AcErBiC
Summary: When the McMahon family hosts their annual Christmas party, a few uninvited guests turn up. In fact, a whole roster of wrestlers show up uninvited and hilarity follows.


**A McMahon Christmas Party**

**Part I: The Entrances From Hell**

**A/N:** Who likes laughing until they pee themselves? raises hand If you're like me, then this story is for you. Heee. But if you can't take a joke, or me making fun of people who make ten times as much money in a year than you, then don't read : 'Kay? Okay, then. This is gonna be a two-shot (I think) This part will be the Superstars arriving at the McMahon mansion and the next part will be their own private party. No McMahons allowed. (Besides Aunt Kate)

**A/N-2:** Please don't flame me. There is no need to spread hate. If you find something wrong with this story, be mature and tell me about it rationally. Better yet, if you find something so terribly wrong (besides how crude the humor is, because I already warned you about that) then stop reading the fic and don't review at all, unless you have some **friendly advice**. There is no need to be nasty, and take into account that you wouldn't want someone doing that to you.

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the Wrestling alias'. Not even the poorly thought up and portrayed ones. I also don't own the people who play these characters we all know and love. (That's right, screw the _real_ people behind the characters. They can all go to hell. Just kidding.)

**Summary:** When the McMahon family hosts their annual Christmas party, a few uninvited guests turn up. In fact, a whole roster of wrestlers show up uninvited and hilarity follows.

!#$&()+

"So, Aunt Kate. Are you enjoying the bean dip?" Stephanie asked an elderly woman boredly, who was standing next to the refreshment table.

"It's far too dry, dear. Linda still hasn't learned to cook, I see," the woman responded, snarling her nose up at the food. Stephanie caught the scene behind her aunt, which included Linda lunging at Aunt Kate, but being stopped by Vince. Stephanie snorted with laughter, which caused her aunt to glare at her as if she were insane.

Stephanie rolled her eyes and plopped on the couch. Their family Christmas parties were always like this. Beautiful decorations, delicious food(No matter what Aunt Kate said. Everyone knew she was a wee-otch...) But always boring as hell. Shane plopped down beside his sister. They spotted their Grandmother rolling her wheelchair into random objects, such as the bookshelf, the front door, the dog... but they did nothing, for this was finally providing them with some entertainment. They laughed loudly, as she began to roll, numerous times, into their father, who simply grasped his leg everytime she did it. He obviously didn't have the sense to move out of the way.

Suddenly, a loud truck engine errupted through the living room of the McMahon mansion. Stephanie ran to the window to peer outside. She spotted an extremely large black truck with a huge white skull on the hood, doing donuts in the front lawn and a hand shoved out of the drivers side window, a middle finger in the air and never leaving the spot. Stephanie groaned and shot a frightened glance to her father. This could only mean one thing... Suddenly, the front door flew open.

"If you need a gardener, give me a hell yeah," the bald-headed, black vested, hell raising, ring raging, face punching, gravel crunching, neck ringing, gun slinging, ear boxing, head knocking, money making, retirement faking, deer killing, beer swilling son of a bitch yelled, as he entered unannounced.

It was none other then the Texas Rattlesnake, Stone Cold Steve Austin, in his signature T-Shirt. It read: Arrive. Raise Hell. Leave. That was probably his exact agenda here tonight. He swigged a last drop of beer from his can of Steveweiser, quickly pulling another one out of...somewhere.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" Vince screamed, sourly. Tough as he sounded, he looked like was about to piss himself. Stone Cold laughed, as he remembered a time when he made Vince do just that.

"Relax, McMahon. What? I'm just here to drink some beers and raise some hell. What? You got a problem with that? What?" Austin said, shooting Vince a warning glare.

"Yes I do, damn it. Get the hell out of my house," Vince said in a low, grumbling voice. Stone Cold smiled.

"Thanks, buddy. What? I knew you wouldn't mind," he chuckled, slapping Vince on the back. Much to Vince's chagrin, as well as the rest of his family, Ron Simmons came in behind Stone Cold. He took a slow glance around the living room at all its inhabitants.

"Damn." Afterwards, he held up a tiny white sign. It read: 'Thanks for inviting us to your party.'

"The hell?" Vince muttered, placing a palm to his forehead, covering his eyes partially. When his eyes fell back on Ron Simmons, a blue sign was in his hand. It read: 'I hear Austin has the beer. That's where I'm headed.' Vince groaned loudly, followed by a yell. It took everyone a moment to realize the yell didn't come from Vince. A few seconds later, the door was burst down in a loud rampage. Standing directly on the other side was the Samoan Bulldossser, Umaga. (Or so Armando would say.) And speaking of the crazy dude's handler, he was also behind the door.

"In casse joo hafforgotten, let me remind joo. Haha. My name ess, Arrrrmandooo Alejandrrrroo Estrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrada," AAE said out of the blue. Gah, he's so annoying. Even in fanfiction.

"Hamina mana!!! Jukwita ahahahaha me oi mena agflkjewfv;qjklwb, UMAGA!!!" Came the Samoan Bulldozer's reply. Whatever the hell that means. Umaga ran directly through the back of the house screaming in French, or whatever language he speaks. The McMahon's suddenly heard a loud, familiar noise.

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" They heard from outside. And sure enough, the Nature Boy, decked out in a classic sparkly blue robe appeared in the exposed threshold, a woman on each arm. One of them was Maria and the other was Candice Michelle. Suddenly, the WWE Champion appeared behind Ric Flair.

"Yo what up Vinnie Mac?" John Cena greeted, not taking his eyes off the Diva's that had escorted Ric Flair to the party. Ric didn't mind this. He'd spotted a very flirty looking Aunt Kate. Vince felt as if he were going to faint. Ric, doing his signature strut, well...strutted over to her. John Cena, noting this as an oppurtunity, took the other two Diva's off of Ric's hands.

"Hey baby. Do you know who I am? I am the limo riding, jet flying, kiss stealing, wheeling dealing, jabroni beating, lalowlowolow, pie eating-" but Ric was cut off.

"Whoa whoa whoa," came a voice from outside. A very familiar face came through the door. It was the Great One, the Rock!!! WOOOO!

He held up a finger to prevent anyone from talking.

"Ric, I'll get to you in a minute, but FINALLY. FINALLY, THE ROCK HAS COME BACK TO ANNOY THE HELL OUTTA VINCE MCMAHON!" He said, removing his sunglasses partially to reveal his raised eyebrow. He strolled over to the Nature Boy, pulling him to the side, but still talking loud enough where everyone could here him.

"Ric, Ric, Ric. What have I told you about stealing the Rock's catchphrases? I think you've been alive long enough to come up with your own catchphrases. Don't make the Rock slap your lips right off your face, Ric. Don't make the Rock do that. He doesn't wanna do that. But he will do that, the Rock will, if he's got to. He will tell you to just bring it, bitch! But, Ric, seriously. No more using the Rock's catchphrases, okay? Okay Ric? Because the Rock is serious about the art of the bitchslap, the Rock is. Okay? Okay Ric? Okay?" The Rock rambled on in the third person, causing Ric Flair to stare at him stupidly.

"Rock, you been in this business for...how many years now. Three? Not three, eight months, I think. I been in this business for 316 years, so you need to start showing some gratitude for the people who paved the way for punk asses like you. Okay? You need to start respecting people who have been here longer and have won more matches, and have made more money and slept with more personal trainers than you. I'm the 16-time World Heavyweight Champion. Or is that the WWE Champion? I don't really remember because my last title reign was 183 years ago, but that's not the point. The point is... what was the point again?" After rambling on about nothing in particular and in his own private 'old timers' language, he turned back to Aunt Kate.

"Hey, baby? Do you know who I am?" He began again. The Rock raised another eyebrow.

"The Rock has no **idea** what the Naitch just said, but it **doesn't** **matter** what he said. I heard Austin's here and the Rock's gonna go take some of Austin's beer, then the Rock's gonna go look for Shriveled Up Monkey Penis; A.K.A. Umaga; and beat his candy ass! Because the People's Champ don't take it, crap that is, from anybody! That's right, the Rock is here to party hard, the Rock is- Oh... hey mama," The Rock said, suddenly spotting Stephanie McMahon. Stephanie's eyes widened.

"Daddy!" She shrieked. But 'Daddy' was currently rolled up on the floor in a ball, sucking on a Valium. But it wouldn't help him now, as the Hardy Boyzzz, showed up in the hizzouse. Matt, of course, had his thumb draped over his ring finger, signaling V-1. Jeff was making guns, his index and middle fingers on both hands connected. Unfortunately for them, the Rock noticed.

"The Rock couldn't help but notice; hey Skittles and V-1; but the Rock couldn't help but notice that you are always making those hand gestures," The Rock realized, for once saying something that didn't take him an hour to draw out.

"Our hands are permanently stuck this way because we are shameless self-promoters. I'm surprised you're able to lower your eyebrow," Jeff spoke up, his peacock like hair up in dreadlocks. The Rock also noticed this.

"Skittles, when did you become a brother?" The Rock asked with great interest, forgetting about his beer plan momentarily. Jeff stared at him, and made a confused face. He and Matt then proceded to jump on the bouncy McMahon couch. Just then, a loud explosion was heard. Vince reluctantly sat up, peering outside.

"What the hell was that?" He asked, a twinge of sobbing in his voice.

"The Rock thinks the Brothers of Destruction, Kane and the Undertaker, have arrived. I think they brought some sticks of dynamite. The Rock would suggest buying a new mailbox," The Rock said with little enthusiasm, and as expected, Kane and the Undertaker stepped through the door. They were both scowling, Undertaker with his eyes rolled back in his head.

"The Rock wonders how you do that without your eyes getting stuck like that," Rocky said, before finally heading to the back of the house where everyone else was. Kane and 'Taker shot glares at the Chairman of the WWE. He cowered in a corner, the rest of his family, with the exception of Aunt Kate, who'd gone upstairs with Ric Flair some time ago, ran to hide behind him.

"What are you looking at, McMahon?" The Undertaker said in a low growl.

"Why do people always stare at us? Just because we're different? WHY?!" Kane yelled, and unexpectedly he started to cry. The Undertaker dislodged his feet, moving from his 'scary Deadman pose' and placed his head in his hands.

"You wonder why I never take you anywhere! You always embarrass me in public!" Taker yelled with a sigh.

"It's not my fault. Oh my God! You're embarrassed to be seen with me? Is it because I'm ugly? It is isn't it? That's what Lita said too. That's why she went with Edge. I'd have to be pretty damn ugly to make her go with that dumbass. With his goofy haircut. Damn him. That homewrecker," Kane said, spinning off into his own world. Undertaker rolled his eyes, leading Kane to where he knew the beer to be. Vince sighed. It had to be over now.

"Thank the Lord in Heaven," he said, tears rolling down his cheeks, but suddenly a knock came on the side of the house, as the door was now gone.

"NOOO!" Vince screamed, and he had every right to be scared. Because, in all her psycho glory, there stood Mickie James.

"OHMIGOSH!!!! Vince! So good to see you! It's me Mickie! Remeber? I'm so happy that you invited me to your party! In fact, a lot more Superstars just pulled up! I hope I don't seem too hyper. I forgot to take my Lithium this morning! I hope you don't mind! You probably do. So just forget what I said, I didn't say Lithium. I said sugar. Yeah, sugar is why I'm so hyper. I don't have any type of condition. I just drank a bunch of coffee today to keep myself energized! So where is everyone? I heard Stone Cold was here and Umaga and Ric Flair and John Cena and Kane and the Undertaker and even the Rock too! I can't wait to see everyone again! Even though I just saw them like two hours ago, but it doesn't matter because I love them all just like my old hamsters who mysteriously found their way near the toilet, but I would never flush any of the Superstars! They are my friends! I love them like brothers and sisters!" Mickie said in one breath. After going so long without breathing, she passed out on the floor. Vince ignored her to see where the ruckus was coming from outside. OH GAWD.

Before Vince could get an inch closer to the door, D Generation X popped their heads in.

"This where the happening Christmas party is?" Shawn Michaels asked, with a smile.

"Conneticut. Are you ready?" Triple H perked up, expecting a cheap pop. He didn't get one though.

"Oh no Shawn! The fans don't like us anymore! We're nobodies once again. They said this would save our careers from obscurity!" Triple H whined, acting as if he were going to faint, but then tripping over Mickie James, who was still laid out on the floor.

"Uh, Hunter? We're not in front of a crowd," HBK reassured him. Triple H clutched his chest with a sigh of relief.

"Oh, thank God. Well then. Let's get ready to-" Triple H began, starting off strong, but Shawn stopped him. Shawn pointed at Vince and whispered something in Triple H's ear. Triple H then made an 'o' shape with his mouth.

"Oh right. Well, I'm not gonna finish that, because I know it'll get you all frisky, Vince. We all know you love cocks and everything. Well, Shawn, let's go find Austin. I heard he had some beer," Triple H replied. With that, the two of them headed toward the back room.

Vince begged and pleaded with God to let this be over, but sadly (for him, not you guys) it was far from over. Suddenly, Side Show Bob... I mean Carlito emergered from the darkness of the McMahon porch, with Torrie Wilson in tow. Carlito took a quick glance at Mickie James, who was still on the floor.

"Das not cool," he said. Suddenly, Austin's voice rang into the room.

"Got some cold beer back here! What?" He yelled. Carlito smiled at Torrie.

"Now, that? Das cool," he said, as the two headed back there. Immediately coming in behind them was MNM. A.K.A. Melina, Nitro and Mercury.

"Man, I said I didn't wanna come here, Nitro! I'm disfigured!" Mercury exclaimed, still wearing his mask thing.

"Dude, get over it. You are not disfigured. You got a busted nose, that's all. Quit your bitching," Nitro said, his arm around Melina. With that, Nitro and Melina walked off, leaving Mercury to eat their dust.

"But, alas I am disfigured. And I will get my revenge on the Hardy's. I will get back at them for what they did to my beautiful face!" Mercury shouted, in some odd, English accent.

"Shut up, bitch," said a female voice from behind him. It was former Diva, Trish Stratus. She laughed at him, but then tripped over Mickie James, causing Mercury to laugh at her.

"Ah, shut the hell up. Someone should thank the Hardy's very kindly for finally getting you to shut up about your stupid Hollywood face. Actually, I think I'll go thank Jeff right now," Trish said with a giggle, getting up off the floor and running into the back room. Mercury shrugged and ran after her. Vince had given up all hope at this point, but was still scared when he heard:

"I am the Boogeyman! And I'm coming to getcha!" With this, Vince let out a girly scream, and watched as the rest of his family fled to the upstairs part of the house. To Vince's terror, the Boogeyman indeed came crawling through the front door, with his burning stick that smelled like ass and his sack of worms. What a lovely man. He slowly got to his feet, having some type of convulsion as he was standing up. Probably all the protein from the worms. But who knows? He spotted Mickie James on the floor and picked her up, carrying her to the back room. But before he left, he dropped a handful of worms down Vince's pants. Vince rolled around on the floor for a few minutes, freaking out. As he did, King Booker and Queen Sharmell entered the room, Sharmell worshipping her husband on her knees. (Hey, kinda like Lita!)

"All hail King Booker! x 1857291482075745451235346," she said, blissfully unaware that no one was listening or giving a crap. Suddenly, Finlay pushed past King Booker, as he chased his Little Bastard, A.K.A. Hornswoggle. Hornswoggle was running around the room with a mug of beer almost bigger than he was, yelling about St. Patrick's Day. Suddenly, Austin burst into the room.

"Is that midget holding a beer?" He asked, perplexed. Finlay nodded, still trying to chase down Little Bastard.

"That's a damn fine leprechaun, then," Austin said, starting to help Finlay chase down Hornswoggle, mostly trying to retrieve the beer.

"'Tis a sham!" Booker said with a weird English accent.

"What is, my king?" Sharmell asked.

"I'm not sure, but there is always a sham lurking about in the coldness of the night," Booker said, suddenly looking over at Vince.

"That damn Boogeyman. He put worms down my pants!" Vince yelled, still trying to get the worms out. Booker, shook his head violently back and forth for a second. He was obviously about to revert back to his Houston roots.

"Damn it, tell me you didn't just say dat!" Booker-T said, pulling 'Queen' Sharmell away from the scene, as Vince squirmed on the floor a bit more. And the party wouldn't be a party without this next man.

"Oh, das right, baby. I'll make ya back crack, I'll make ya liver quiver, I'll make ya knees freeze. I'm the American Dweem, Dutty Whodes!" Dusty said, semi-strutting in, with his armless blue shirt and plain black pants. He did his dance that resembled stirring a pot and shook his 'thang' all the way to the back room. Bobby Lashley walked in as well, not saying a word, but just walking to the back room.

Vince cried for a moment. How was he gonna get these damn people out of his house? Suddenly, his night got a bit better as Kelly Kelly swaggered through the door. She approached him with a sweet smile and helped him up, but as soon as he was up, someone pushed him down from behind. It was CM Punk. The two of them laughed at Vince simultaneously and walked off, CM Punk putting his arm around Kelly as they made **their** way to the back room.

Vince simply laid on the floor. He had no other choice as the Masterpiece cough of crap cough walked in.

"Where's everybody? I need someone to talk to so I can deny my use of steroids and the fact that I'm a robot! Hey! Who wants to take the Masterlock Challenge?! Come on, some one? Please? I beg of you! Coach said if I can't boost my popularity, I'm off of Raw! Somebody! Anybody! Maybe someone can put me over at WrestleMania?! Shawn? Shawn Michaels?! Please! Someone!" He yelled frantically, before speeding off through the house. Mick Foley and Gene Snitsky came in behind him, deeply in sophisticated conversation.

"Then the cow says to the goose, they ate my brother!" Mick finished. Gene laughed a bit, before adding,

"That wasn't my fault," he said.

"Bang Bang! Have a nice day, Mr. McMahon!" Mick said, spotting Vince curled up on the floor. Behind them came Edge, Lita and the American Zero cough I mean Hero, Kurt Angle.

"Why do we even have to come to this stupid party? Kane has it out for me, baby, you know he does," Edge cried to Lita.

"I heard of how...**nice** the bedrooms are in this mansion," Lita said, with a devilish grin. With that, Kurt Angle threw up on the floor. It appeared to be milk.

"You two are sick," said Randy Orton from behind the three of them.

"It's true. It's damn true," Kurt said, before running away from them. After the four had left, Shelton Benjamin entered the house with his mommy.

"Mom, I told you. This party has adult supervision!" Shelton pleaded with his mom.

"I'm sorry, baby. I'm just not used to you getting invited to parties. Usually the kids never wanted to play with you because your head was shaped like an egg and because you smelled like toe fungus," she replied.

Evidently, a few people overheard. Rey Mysterio, Chris Benoit and Teddy Long all walked in laughing their asses off. Passing Shelton and his mom, the three men struggled to remain upright, but their laughter became too much for them and they all tumbled on the floor chuckling. Shelton started crying and ran off toward the wrestler party, with his mom going after him. Vince remained motionless on the floor, thinking if he closed his eyes, it would all go away.

**A/N:** Damn, I laughed my ass off writing and proofreading that. Hope you did too. The next part will be the big Superstar Party!!! **Reviews are love!** If there is anyone you'd like to specifically see in the next part, just include their names in your review. I will gladly make fun of them, shamelessly. Just remember, don't submit any names if you don't have a sense of humor. Whoever you so choose will be ridiculed and stuff, so if you can't take a joke, don't bother. Ciao!


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